Weekly Game Music: Cheetahmen Techno (Cheetahmen II)

New week, new music.  Let’s do something completely different: introducing the spectacular internet meme, the Cheetahmen II theme song!  Cheetahmen Techno is, as its title implies, Nico Nico Douga user, 美路盆@LunchBox’s 90’s techno remix of the notoriously terrible (and unreleased!) game’s theme.  Unfortunately, the original composer for the music remains unknown due to lack of credits or licenses.  Wikipedia can only guess that the credits could go to Mario Gonzalez, Ed Bogas, Rob Base, DJ E-Z Rock, Mark Steven Miller and/or Jason Scher.  Whoever wrote the original composition, I salute you.

Cheetahmen II begins with Doctor Morbis creating a new sub-human, Ape Man, to fight against his mortal enemies — and incidentally, his own “failed expirements [sic]” — the Cheetahmen.  They are, after all, the only ones that stands against his evil plans…whatever that is.  It stands to reason that the Cheetahmen trio — Aries, Apollo, and Hercules — fights against Doctor Morbis and his evil mutants!

Simply put, Cheetahmen II is a “it’s so bad, it’s good” game that attempts to ride on the popular platformer gameplay.  Each Cheetahman can run, jump, and attack their enemies…if they are tall enough.  The funny thing is, most enemies are so short, none of the heroes can hit them.  Even worse, apparently each Cheetahman can only survive a small fall before dying, making the platforming portions more difficult than necessary.  Stacked on top hilariously bad glitches, confusing hit-box detection, and “everything can kill you” mentality,Cheetahmen II has all the ingredients to become a legend on the internet landscape.

Cheetahmen II was intended to be released on the NES in 1992, but alas, never saw the light of day.

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